what espresso is.

My original intention for this blog was to walk my readers through my own re-education as a barista. Instead I’ve written a bunch of tirades about things that get on my nerves. The truth of that model is that I will run out of material really soon. That’s because my job is awesome. People suck sometimes, but that’s not why I started this blog. I wanted to talk about what I love about coffee, not what I hate about my job. Next week I’ll write about why I’m not an electrician, but I’d like to use my last blog post for my social media class to serve my initial purpose- I’m going to teach you something about coffee.

I spent a lot of this week developing a training manual for our coffee program. It was really fun to review the basics that have become muscle memory for me. I had forgotten how truly complicated it is to pull a great shot of espresso. Baristas are scientists, artists, and magicians and they often don’t even know it.

At the end of my first week at Frothy, I served a woman the double shot of espresso that she had ordered. When she looked in the cup and saw they little pool of caramel liquid at the bottom, she furrowed her eyebrows and looked at me like I had dropped a turd in the bottom of her cup. What the hell is this? She said, assuming a hands on hips stance of consternation. Two shots of espresso. I answered, unsure what it was that I had done to offend her. Was there a message in the crema? Did she want it for here? As it turned out, she was upset that “two shots” equal two ounces- this information was conveyed to her as professionally and calmly as I could manage. I searched for ways to make her stop standing like she was getting ready to enter a cage match but ended up having to give her her money back.

The definition of a single espresso, according to the Specialty Coffee Association of America, is as follows:

“Espresso is a 25-35 ml beverage prepared from 7-9 grams of coffee through which clean water of 195-205 degrees has been forced at 8-10 atmospheres of pressure, and where the grind of the coffee is such that the brewing ‘flow’ time is approximately 20-30 seconds. While brewing, the flow of espresso will appear to have the viscosity of warm honey and the resulting beverage will exhibit a thick, dark golden cream foam (crema). Depending on the freshness and type of coffee, the quantity and color of the crema may vary somewhat. Espresso should be prepared specifically for, and immediately served to its intended customer.”

While that definition is a mouthful, it’s the most succinct way to explain what all goes in to the process of espresso. The flavor of espresso, as with any coffee, is a combination of several qualities: Aroma and fragrance (how it smells), body (how it feels in your mouth), acidity (the little bite you feel on the sides of your tongue), sweetness (sugary sweetness you’ll feel on the tip of your tongue), flavor (what you actually taste- chocolate, caramel, nutty, etc), and finish (did it stick the landing or did it fall and lose the olympics? If it’s sour or makes you want to scrape your tongue with an icepick, then something probably went wrong).

This is also a great time to hang around and talk to your barista about what you’re tasting. If it’s not good, you are completely within your rights to have your shot re-pulled. The barista will also be less likely to give you a dirty look if you can describe what it was that wasn’t right about one of the six sensory qualities I explained. For example, if you say the body is grainy and the finish is weak, I would know that the shot was under-extracted. I could adjust the grind and have a better shot for you in under two minutes. Easy.

Maybe you checked out halfway through the definition, but I hope you learned something. And I hope somewhere out there, that horrible woman who made me very scared reads this and understands. So next time you find yourself in a conversation with someone who calls it expresso, just know that not only can you correctly pronounce the word, you can tell them what espresso is.

3 steps to be the best customer you can be.

So here’s the scene: you walk into a coffee shop. WHAT DO YOU DO:

STEP 1: Find the menu.

If you don’t see it immediately, don’t panic. Though every shop will be different, the odds are it will be one of a few predictable places. Check first right above the registers on the back wall. This is the most common location for beverage menus. Don’t worry about feeling like you’re staring at the barista. This location makes it really easy to do what I call “gaping.” This is when a customer assumes a particular position where their head is angled back so that the barista can see every square inch of your nasal passages. Avoid this. Say the menu isn’t on the wall at all. DO NOT PANIC. Look around to the other customers. Are they holding paper menus? If the answer is yes, find a menu. An easy tip for finding a menu is to ask the person holding the menu where they found it. Once you’ve ascertained the location of the menu, proceed to STEP 2.*

*Note: if a menu does not list a “caramel macchiato” do not order it. They don’t have it because it is not a thing. Order a vanilla latte or a caramel latte, and I promise you will walk away with a smile. Using Starbucks terms at non-bucks locations challenges baristas not to accidentally roll their eyes.

STEP 2: Make a decision.

This is arguably the hardest part of the process. Some of us are better at making decisions than others, but I promise you can do this. If you don’t have a definite craving, you have two options: ask your barista or do eeny meeny miney mo. If you’re standing in a line, I don’t recommend asking the barista. I love making decisions for people, but when it’s busy and there are a thousand things going on, I’m more likely to just give you what I like to move you through the line rather than figuring out exactly what you desire.* If you choose to go it alone, remember to start simple. Ask yourself questions like, “Coffee or tea? Hot drink or cold? Do I want milk or will a nice cup of black coffee be all it takes to fulfill my needs?”

Once you’ve chosen your beverage, you must next choose your size. Here’s where my personal opinion always takes over. Contrary to popular belief more is not better.** If you’re getting a latte (especially if you’re getting a cappuccino), the larger size you purchase, the less you will taste the coffee. This is due to the fact that you’re mostly just drinking hot dairy. I recommend 6-8 ounces for a cappuccino, 8-12 ounces for a latte. If you’ve chosen the drink with the longest list of flavorings in it (examples include anything with white chocolate or 2 or more syrups), I would stick with 12 ounces. If you really just love hot dairy (or dairy alternative), by all means do what makes you happy. A barista’s job is to make you the best cup of coffee you’ve ever had. If that means they have to make you a 6 pump white chocolate mocha with half a shot of espresso, I will do it. But it makes me so much more excited when someone who ordered an 8 oz capp tells me they loved their drink than the guy behind him instagraming his 16 oz iced caramel vanilla hazelnut latte. Now that you’ve chosen your size, you may proceed to STEP 3.***

* “Decision making” flow chart for your coffee decision aid)
** also contrary to popular belief, “tall” “grande” and “venti” are not accepted units of measurement.
*** IMPORTANT- You must complete ALL of step 2 BEFORE you proceed to Step 3. Especially if there is a line present.

STEP 3: At the counter.

Here’s where things get tricky. Not every shop is the same. Likewise, not every barista is the same. Approaching the counter, think first about what you want from this experience. Are you here to make friends or do you just want your coffee and that seat in the corner?

Typically the dialogue goes like this:

Barista: Hey, man! How are you?
Customer: I’m great! How are you?
Barista: Awesome! I’m good. What can I get for you?
Customer: I think I’ll get a 12 oz mocha for here.
Barista: Right on!

However, it sometimes goes like this:

Barista: Hey, man! How are you?
Customer: Oh my god, I’m so glad you asked! Life is so good. I just got to sleep in and snuggle with my kittens and I ate 3 plates of bacon before I came here do you think that’s going to kill me I hear you should really limit that stuff but I’ve been running more lately haha no I haven’t do you have anything gluten free? No I can’t eat anything. What DO I want, really? In life I mean. Oh, I’m sorry! How are you?
Barista: Cool, man. I’m good. What can I get for you?

But they can also go like this:

Barista: Hey, man! How are you?
Customer: …
Barista: What can I get for you?
Customer: Coffee.
Barista: …

A good barista can manage both extremes, so if you’ve been one of these people, don’t worry. It’s our job and we love it. However, achieving a happy medium is best. If your barista asks about your life or your dogs/cats, feel free to tell them everything you want. Just remember to be conscious of the line. The barista may care about your kittens, but the 10 people behind you are probably imagining your face when your kittens pee on your pillow.

You must now give your barista your clear and concise coffee order that you designed in STEP 2. You will hand over your money and the transaction will be complete. Make sure you know where to pick up your drink before walking away from the counter. Don’t forget to leave a tip. And have a nice day!

what I talk about when I talk about coffee.*

I decided to use my inaugural post to tell you exactly what it is that I love about coffee.

For the most part, coffee isn’t an addiction for me. I don’t necessarily have to have half a pot of coffee in the mornings to be a functional part of society. It isn’t a need in a “give me caffeine or I’ll show you the meaning of hostility” kind of way. Images like this one:
appeal to me only because without caffeine, I can’t drink coffee (because let’s be honest, decaf is disgusting.) And without coffee, my routine is ruined. I love spending my morning on my oversized couch with my “Virginia is for lovers” or The National coffee mug and reading. Not a book for a class or my twitter feed, but a story I can lose myself in. It is my time for myself with my two favorite things. Not because when I’m finished with my coffee I feel like I could take on the Roadrunner in a leg race (being honest again, if you drink coffee in the mornings, you know your bowels would win that race before your legs could), but because I just love it.

Also my job is awesome. Cleaning toilets, sweeping up muffin crumbs left by a herd of toddlers, and running bacon laden plates isn’t necessarily glamorous. Neither is the chocolate syrup that is almost constantly covering my left elbow or the light brown stain on the right hip of all of my jeans. It’s more of the feeling when there are a hundred thousand drinks on the bar, but then someone picks up their drink pulls out their phone to take a picture or returns after finishing their drink to tell me how much they loved it. Or remembering a regular’s drink and asking where they found that awesome denim shirt. Dialing in shots so that they’re perfectly balanced is like winning a chess match between the grinder and my taste buds. More than all of these things, I think I love the coffee business because after six years as a barista, I’m still excited to step behind the bar at Frothy Monkey. Every shot is a new challenge and every cup is a work of art.

So, I guess that’s it for now. There is so much more to come.

Love,
Moriah

*title inspired by Haruki Murakami‘s memoir What I Talk About When I Talk About Running